Hi everybody,
Welcome :) I set this up a week ago in hopes to communicate more with people (than I have been) while my artistic side jumped at the idea to be creative and play. However, a history of indecisiveness/perfectionism (that I'm gradually conquering;)) may surface here as I have been known to take months to hang up pics when I move into a place. Lets hope against that.

N e way, I'm up at my Grandma's house on the lake and have been since Thursday night. This first blog is for my Grandpa. He went to Heaven last Thursday after a surgery, unexpectedly for us, but apparently not for Jesus. The memorial service was yesterday and I'm happy to say that it was more of a celebration. My sis Heather and I were grinning ear to ear while we sang How Great Thou Art -she in spanish and I in english. How can we not be thankful that He's in the best place with the best, most beautiful Person and free from pain? I also have my moments of "why did you leave?" and " I didn't get to say goodbye" and as much as "you'll see him again soon" comforts..how many years will I live??

My grandpa loved music so I sang a song called "Every Season" from my favorite artist Nichole Nordeman. It felt soo good to sing the words of the last verse about God making us new. The pianist was a pro and it was an mutual honor for us. My Grandpa really admired him. This is probably the closest person to me to die. And I'm really learning about this whole grieving thing as some of you know can't be packaged. I've had my stomach dropping, tear soaked moments but also extreme joy. I'm really tired alot. But I'm so grateful to God for His grace right now. Its abundant and amazing. For saving my Grandpa a couple years ago and putting that light in his eyes, for taking him home. For my sister returning from the peace corp in time to spend a couple days with him and take him to the hospital and be with my Grandma. For surrounding us in prayer and family and friends. It's funny how a separating thing like death brings you together.

I'm gonna really miss him though and all his joking around. When we were little and made a mess or were rude at the dinner table he tell us to say "oink, oink". I guess I'll have to pass that tradition on. My analytical mind wants to "figure" some of this out still and I have a feeling it will be more so when I get back to things again. But I'm finding that I want to let go of this whole "figuring" thing, besides who said that was my job anyway?

Friday, the pastor came to the house and said that he thought of God smiling whenever it was sunny. It was sunny. I went for a run up the north road and was crying and at the same time thinking how joyful Grandpa must be. I suddenly felt God was saying to lift my face to the sun and give them the biggest ear to ear grin I could manage. So I did. And He just poured the joy into me. I highly recommend it to try anytime. I have a quote that says "Joy is not the absense of pain but the presence of God". In that moment He was showing inspite of the situation, I could make a choice at what to magnify in it. That the joy was just as valid and real as the pain.

I hope this finds you well in your little corner of the world.

grace & blessings